Short jokes
I said I’m losing my mind. My friend said, “You didn’t have much to begin with.”
Yo mama so fat...
...people in Florida start buying flood insurance when they see her waddling toward the ocean.
Why did Marxism never catch on in England?
Because then it would be impossible to get proper tea.
Charlie Chaplin and Tork Poettschke meet.
Chaplin: "What can I do for you?"
Poettschke: "Please get away from me."
How do you stun a Scotsman?
Ask them to say "purple burglar alarm".
If Pete and Chasten Buttigieg had a baby, it would be a turd covered in semen.
What is a Jamaican's idea of a balanced diet?
A joint in each hand.
It's a joke, not a dick. Don't take it so hard.
What's Elizabeth Warren's nickname?
Pocahontas
How do Chinese people name their kids?
They throw a wok down the stairs.
Why didn't the oyster share its pearl?
Because it was a cunt.
Something you can say about your furniture, but not your partner: "Those legs sure hold a lot of weight."
We’re so poor, we can’t even afford free stuff.
What's a kidnapper's favorite shoe?
White Vans.
What do you call a rude math teacher with a lisp?
A mathive dick.
What do a man and a blonde do in bed?
Sleep!
Depressed caller: "I'm done with everything!"
Responder: "Please hang on!"
Life with depression is like a cheeseburger.
It's not good without the cheese.
If being near immortal was a normal thing, I bet wanting to die would've been too.
Why are Black people afraid of ghosts?
Because ghosts remind them of the KKK.