Short jokes

Me: Breathe right now if you wanna date me.

Hey Siri, skip to Friday!

Wanna see my pp again?

For some reason a group of emo kids are following me because I gave them a Happy Meal.

Stephen Hawking is just in a role play. He died to a crash in Minecraft.

What do me and a blind person have in common after I look at Alfie's mum?

We're both blind.

What do you call a nut that screws and then bolts?

An escapee from a mental hospital.

Your girlfriend/boyfriend says: "I'm dating your uncle..." You start crying and you look under the bed and your uncle says: "Damn."

Why are blind people bad at catching things? Because they never see it coming.

Why did the plane go to KFC?

To lose its wings and crash!

Teddy’s got a man in his Fanny.

Q: Who is Tracy Latimer's least favorite rapper?

A: Monoxide Child.

I threw a paper airplane at the twin sisters. The teacher was upset. I guess they don't read the news.

If you were a room in my house, I’d make you the basement.

So I could put kids inside you.

How do you get a koala to die? Kill it.

What’s the difference between a Catholic and a rabbit?

One has kids to protect from predators, and the other has kids for predators.

Time flies by, doesn’t it?

But the plane in 9/11 didn’t.

Ur hairline is like a Fortnite map at the start of a new season waiting to be identified.

In a lesbian relationship, which feminazi cooks?

None, both carpet munchers eat out.

What did the barbwire say to big foot? "My name is Jeff."