Short jokes
What's the difference between your job and a dead prostitute?
Your job still sucks!
Why do teenage girls hang out in odd-numbered groups?
Because they can't even.
Q. What's the difference between an abortion clinic and a nursery? A. The abortion clinic won't let you take the baby home.
What has 2 or 3 hands and is always right twice a day when it is broken?
A clock.
What did the young Taliban member say to the old Taliban member?
"Okay, Boomer."
How do skyscrapers make friends?
They reach out.
Sometimes, you've got to specifically go out of your way to get into trouble. It's called fun.
Who's there?
Interrupting cow.
Interrupting c—
MOO!
Yo mama so fat...
...people in Florida start buying flood insurance when they see her waddling toward the ocean.
Why did Marxism never catch on in England?
Because then it would be impossible to get proper tea.
I thought when my friends called me curvy, it was a compliment, but it turns out they were referring to my spine.
Q. What's red and pink and spins around really fast? A. A baby in a blender.
How do you trick a camel jockey into drinking a bottle of watermelon schnapps?
Pour watermelon seeds into a bottle of watermelon schnapps.
Your forehead is so big, they used it for the Berlin Wall and the USA border.
Why does a kid never come home after a fight with their parents? Because they never found the key to the house again.
There's a new Viagra and prune juice diet that's out.
Unfortunately, you can't tell if you're coming or going.
How do you know when you're near Wacko Jacko's grave? When 'Thriller' is out and about.
How do terrorists feed their kids?
"Here comes the airplane, and here comes the second one."
You will find Taylor Swift on the streets before you find your hairline.
How are my sister‘s legs and peanut butter alike?\n\nThey’re both smooth and easy to spread.