Short jokes
There was someone who slept late... he missed the dream!
There were four people who went to land... only three returned... Why?
They left someone for memories!
I was playing chess with my friend and he said, “Let’s make this interesting.” So I took away his towers, and he took away my queen.
At what point does a joke become a dad joke?
When it disappears and never returns home.
How are women like swimming pools?
They cost a great deal of money to maintain considering the time you spend inside.
I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into the school fire and said, "Hot wheels!"
When I was recently standing in front of a huge puddle with my buddy, I remembered how he tricked me a week ago. So I tricked him...
Why did the egg hide?
Because it was a little chicken!
What kind of candy do astronauts eat in space?
Mars bars.
What is the shortest month of the year?
May, it only has 3 letters!
I loved the Twin Towers, it's a shame my dad didn't.
90% of women don't like men in pink shirts. Ironically, 90% of men in pink shirts don't like women.
How much drugs did Charlie Sheen take?
Enough to kill two and a half men.
Did you see the dyslexic kid try to write down “funeral?”
No? Shame, it was real fun.
What’s the difference between depression and your ex?
Depression fucks you harder.
Why are Indian people bad at Monopoly?
Because whenever they hit the corner, they build a shop.
Roses are red, violets are blue, You're so flat we can play chess on your chest!
Why do emos suck at playing tic-tac-toe on their wrists?
Because when they win, they lose.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, In every step you take, My support stays true.
If you don’t know the difference between their, there, and they’re, then you're an idiot.