Short jokes

What is the difference between Nicole Brown Simpson and cancer?

OJ couldn’t kill cancer.

There are 4 billion women on earth. Why isn't it clean yet?

What is better to have, autism, Down syndrome, or ADHD?

What’s the difference between jelly and jam?

You can’t “jelly” it in her ass.

My girlfriend told me her lips were dry, and she had the audacity to get mad at me for telling her to walk.

Difference between Texas and Flint, Michigan?

Nothing, no one cares how much lead is in those kids.

Did Walmart take the Juneteenth ice cream off the shelf?

It was only 3/5 full.

Do you like soccer? My favorite player is Ronaldo, but we can still get Messi.

You’ve got something on your face. Wait, no, it’s just missing something. My dick.

What does the word circumcise mean?

Cut off a boy's or a man's dick, or cut off a girl's or a woman's foreskin.

How can you tell your best friend is gay?

His meat tastes like shit.

What’s worse than running with scissors?

Scissoring with the runs!

What do orgasms and impulses have in common?

I don’t care if they have either of them.

What song do you play at a emo kid's funeral?

House of Pain—"Jump Around."

What’s one thing you can say during a family dinner and in bed?

"Where are the kids?"

My friend was showing me his tool shed and pointed to a ladder. "That's my stepladder," he said. "I never knew my real ladder."

Why is it so cheap to throw a party at a haunted house? Because the ghosts bring all the boos.

Did you know your pupils are the last part to stop working when you die? They dilate.

Of all the inventions of the last 100 years, the dry erase board has to be the most remarkable.

What do you call a beehive without an exit? Un-bee-lievable!