Short jokes
Where do squirrels go for fun?
The acorn-ival.
What do you call an angry nut with a mustache?
A pistachio.
What happens to a nervous nut?
It cracks.
The cashew called the peanut boring.
The peanut felt very unsalted.
What do you call super expensive shoes?
Cashews.
How do you catch an elephant?
Act like a peanut.
Can I ask you a question? Nut now!
The nut is so solid, it’s peanut brittle.
If you put ice cream on the nutty brownie, you’re serving it a la mode.
Don’t panic! Stay c-almond collected.
I want an almond-flavored biscuit.
A friend asked what an acorn is.
I said, “In a nutshell, it’s an oak tree.”
I’d tell you a secret about peanut butter, but you might spread it.
I love almond milk. It’s unlike any udder milk.
"Don’t look! I saw you peeking through the window."
For our anniversary, I gave my girlfriend a picture of me inside a pistachio.
But that’s just me in a nutshell.
My friend’s neighbor’s house is a real pigsty. There are hogs everywhere wearing neck garments.
Why woman?
Girls are like bacteria. The toxic ones are everywhere, and you have to take special care of the good ones.
Why did Jeffrey get blood on his shoe?
Because this teen just started her period!