Short jokes
What's the difference between a speed bump and a road kill?
About 40 mph.
What do an M&M and juice have in common?
Window.
I bought this happy birthday card for this orphan.
To: The Orphan
From: ______
Everybody add @christianisni22 on Snap!
He's a hot babe and he's single.
Your hairline be looking like the Great Recession.
Yesterday my mom forgot to go grocery shopping, and I was starving, so I kept opening the fridge about 100 times, but nothing new was in there.
TJ's hairline is so far back, his friends don't even want to talk to him.
Society is like chess, it's always whites vs blacks.
My name is Bishal Khan and I can't walk.
How to know something won’t be fun:
Someone will say, "C'mon, it’ll be fun!"
What do you get when you cross a lesbian and a platypus? I lick a lot of pussy.
Wife: [Looks] in the mirror. Wife: I look fat, can you say something positive? Husband: At least your eyes work.
Dad: I heard an actor killed themselves with a knife. It was Reese something.
Mom: Witherspoon.
Dad: No, with a knife, you dummy!
Your hairline is gone because you never bathed or brushed.
What did the Turkey say to the other Turkey?
"They forgot the stuffing!"
What did the fat guy say to the tree?
"Get me some coconuts!"
My hair goes just onto my collar bones. WOW! That's longer than I'll live.
I stood on the edge of a building and someone yelled, "Do a flip!"..... and I did.
British emo people be like, "Oi, I'm upset."
I am sure this was the type of economy Judas Iscariot was in when he betrayed Jesus.