Short jokes
The worst part about working for the department of unemployment is when you get fired, you still have to show up the next day.
I remember when Halloween was the scariest night of the year. Now, it's Election night.
A woman's age is harder to get than the President's phone number.
You must be from Pearl Harbor, 'cause baby, you're the bomb!
It's easy to tell if a skeleton is lying to you because you can see right through them.
What do rocks and girls have in common?
The flat ones get skipped.
What do you call a guy who loves to eat out a hoe's pussy?
Answer: a Carnivwhore.
What's the difference between MH370 and my dad?
Both disappeared, but one killed 239 people.
What’s the difference between video games and my dad?
My dad doesn’t beat me.
How do you know Adam and Eve were White?
Have you ever tried taking a rib from a Black man?
What’s the difference between a cancer patient and a British news reporter in the South?
They usually don’t live to tell the tale.
I just prevented a 10-year-old from getting assaulted.
Nothing much, I just decided to go home.
What do nail polish and panties have in common?
Both come off with alcohol.
If a pregnant lady murders someone, does the child get an assist?
What is Hitler's least favorite fish?
Jewfish.
I went to the aquarium this weekend, but I didn’t stay long. There’s something fishy about that place.
If your house is cold, just stand in the corner. It's always 90 degrees there.
What do you call a gay guy eating Cheerios?
Fruit Loops.
What’s 9 inches long and makes my girlfriend scream?
One inch and put it in her. Her miscarriage.
What do you call an autistic kid in a school shooting?
Target practice.