Short jokes
My grandma always looks at me when we go to a wedding and says, "You’re next!"
When we attend a funeral, I say, "You’re next!"
I don’t know why I go to the gym. Being healthy is dying as fast as possible, and I really want to speed that shit up.
What does Can do after eating its vegetables?
Go on eBay to see how much he can sell the wheelchair for.
Why did the emo kids stop going to their favorite tree?
It died before them.
Nah, I'm Hawaiian but I'm also Japanese. So does that mean I bombed my own harbor?
"I got that dawg in me," said the Asian men after lunch.
A blind kid was talking to me because he was getting bullied...
I told him, "Just tell them what you see!"
Why do people hit their electronics when they don’t work?
You keep the tradition of hitting black things.
What’s the difference between a fly and Lady Diana?
The sound when they hit the windshield.
I call my penis the truth because the truth always comes out of children’s mouths.
Alpha Kenny body?
The tortoise can't go out to play, Or sell his house or rent it. For when he moves, his house moves too, And nothing can prevent it.
What's the worst possible thing to be playing during the funeral of a bridge-collapse victim?
Fall Guys.
Your mom's ass is so petite and big, I'd pound that till the Earth shakes.
I will never forget the moment when my father saw me masturbating. He said, "Son, what are you doing? I'm on a video conference - get out of my office!"
Imagine if a ninja got a low taper fade.
Everyone becomes happy when they complete the last stage of the game.
But the cancer patients aren't.
How many children does Explain Bear have?
Explain bear still lives in his mother's basement.
Explain Bear weighs 1 ton.