Short jokes
Little Jimmy has 5 red apples. His dad's car will arrive in 20 minutes. Calculate the mass of the Sun.
Anyone got any good Floyd jokes? I really need them to take my breath away.
Q: What did I find on my son's search history?
A: Where is the nearest gun shop?
What's the difference between a bear with a gun and an American man with a gun?
The bear has common sense not to fire it.
What country did Indians invent?
Curry-a.
What do you do after you rape a deaf girl?
Cut off her fingers so she can't tell anyone.
What's Trump's favorite instrument?
A TRUMPet!!!
I joined the military for the group showers.
Why did Helen Keller's dog run away?
You would too if your name was "Raraaaughhaugh."
What do you call a person whose heart stopped?
Dead.
Why couldn’t the kitten watch the movie? It had a violent cat-e-gory.
What's so bad about 9 divided by 11?
A monk asks the priest if it's okay to kiss a nun.
The priest replies, "Just as long as you don't get in the habit!"
A Lew runs into a wall, what does he break? His Nose.
A Mexican runs into a wall, what does he break? His lawn mower.
Scrolled through all of them, still haven't laughed.
My favorite sex position is the McDonald's.
Ba da ba ba ba, I'm lovin' it!
What do you call a black man flying a plane?
A pilot, you racist bastard!
Somebody told me to go to hell, so I walked up to Donald Trump.
What STD can you get from phone sex?
Hearing AIDS.
What's worse than a bag of dead babies? One at the bottom is still wriggling.