Short jokes
How did the carpenter do on his interview? He nailed it!
What did the computer say to the other computer? “Well, tech-ically we can’t talk.”
Why can't Sally hit herself? Because she has no arms.
Voldemort: Knock, knock.
Harry Potter: Who's there?
Voldemort: You know.
Harry Potter: You know who?
Voldemort: Exactly!
If you are dehydrated, you should get well soon.
What do you call a pig that knows karate?
Pork-chop!
If your boyfriend doesn't get your fruit puns, you got to let that mango.
What do you call nitrogen in the day? You call it day-trogen!
What type of jam can you not eat?
Traffic jam.
Why couldn’t anyone see the bird?
Because it was in da skies.
I bought a new shotgun the other day. Want to know what I called it?
Kurt Cobain's microphone.
If you think no one cares about you, stop paying your taxes.
Why did the researchers want all the shore birds high on marijuana?
They wanted to leave no tern unstoned.
Why did Grampa pass out? Because of diabetes.
Me: Have you seen a Mr. Weewoo?
Most people: No.
Me: He drives the ambulance downstairs.
Me: I used to laugh at Skyrim jokes like you, then I took an...
Everyone Else: DON'T...FUCKING...SAY IT.
"Let girls live" is 9 years old, OMG, right?
I told my dad, "I just thought of something funny." He said, "Your face?"
What is the best part about eating cake? Your mom.
When the emo kid is about to hang himself in the school bathroom, and the autistic kid starts swinging the rope like Indiana Jones!