Short jokes
What did the diver say when he was trapped in seaweed?
- Kelp!
What did Yoda say to Luke during his wedding ceremony?
"May divorce be with you."
What did the bus say to the other bus?
"Beep!"
How do tourists feed their kids?
Here comes the airplane, here comes the second one.
What is the most unrealistic thing about Harry Potter?
A ginger with friends.
What do you call a lesbian pirate?
Red Beard.
What did the computer say when it was tired of the user?
Kiss my ASCII!
Why don’t women wear mini skirts in the winter?
Because they’ll get chapped lips.
How does a blind person wipe their ass?
With braille toilet paper.
Why is Ahmed gay? Because he created 9/11. Hahahahahahahhahahahahaa
I might not be able to make my bed, but at least I can get out of it.
Lynx Africa is based on a nice smell. Do you think Lynx England would smell like Stella and disappointment?
Blood may be thicker than water, but yo mama is thicker than anything!
What hit the ground first in 9/11? The people.
You know, they didn't add the word "retard" into the dictionary for nothing.
My grandma told me I was next at my brother's wedding, so I told her she was next at her husband's funeral.
A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.
Diet Day #1 - I removed all the fattening food from my house. It was delicious.
That awkward moment when a fat kid says, “That’s how I roll.”
What do you call a group of emos?
Suicide Squad.