Short jokes
They say during sex you burn off as many calories as running 8 miles. Who the fuck runs 8 miles in 30 seconds?
What do cannibals call a person that is running?
Fast food.
Your friend lost his left arm, and after getting out of the hospital, you ask him if he’s OK. He says, "Yeah, I’m all RIGHT."
I met a gay guy last night.
Man, was he a pain in the ass.
What do you call Darth Vader when he dies?
A black alien.
How do you know someone is going to die?
He can't stop coughing. (coffin)
When I went to the basketball pitch, I saw a man dribbling his own balls.
My brother when he sees a girl.
What do you call a blind photographer? A waste of money.
What goes up and down and needs two people?
A seesaw.
I asked my brother who is autistic how he found his gf. He said on a special website.
They are hairy.
I be ready to commit suicide.
But when it comes to jumping out my window, I'm scared ash.
What does a cannibal ask for when leaving a restaurant?
"Can I have a bodybag?"
What’s an emo kid's favorite wood working tool? A chop saw!
Why do orphans not build houses in Minecraft? Because they want it to be realistic.
I robbed a person in a wheelchair. He cried and said: "You can run, but you can't hide." I ran, and I never saw him again.
What do you call a crippled man? Alex keating hahahahahahahahahahahh!
Last Christmas was awesome, the whole family came.
Are you a building?
Cuz I rate you 9/11.