Short jokes
Called a homeless kid 'Spider-Man' because he had no way home.
Your mama is so fat, the photo I took of her last Christmas is still printing.
My girlfriend asked me to name all the women I've slept with. I probably should've stopped when I got to her.
Alcohol is a perfect solvent: It dissolves marriages, families, and careers.
Why don’t midgets wear tampons?
Because they’ll trip over the string.
Q: What's the difference between a smart Russian and a unicorn?
A: Nothing, they're both fictional characters.
What would Hitler do if he was in Minecraft?
Mien.
What do you say to an upset Down syndrome person?
I'd ask what's up, but it's definitely not you!
Our Human Services Minister is just mad because his wife cheated on him 20 years ago.
With their brother.
What do noodles and women have in common? They both wiggle when you eat them.
What do the Twin Towers and genders have in common?
There were two when we were kids, but now it’s a touchy subject.
What’s the difference between my sister-in-law and a driveway?
I pull out of the driveway.
Why can't Jesus eat M&Ms?
They'll fall right through his hands.
Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance? Because he had no body to go with.
New teacher: "I was an orphan when I was young."
Student: "But!"
Teacher: "Is something missing?"
Student: "Your parents!"
What's the difference between the Twin Towers and orphans?
At least the Twin Towers saw the parents they crashed on.
What’s something you can say at a Christian summer camp and during a blind date?
"Good Lord, this is fun!"
What’s the difference between a man and a margarita?
A margarita hits the spot every time.
Man, this walk is really good. Oh wait, you can't.
What is the difference between a nun and a prostitute?
One is for Sunday morning, and one is for Sunday night.