Short jokes
How do you kill time?
Easy! Taking alarm clock and an assault rifle.
A twelve-volt battery walks into a tavern and orders a drink. The bartender serves him, and comments, "Now don't start anything."
A man was taking a child into a dark forest.
The child said, "I'm scared!"
The man replied, "Well I have to walk home alone."
Why do melons always have big weddings?
Because they cantaloupe!
I’m on top of things. Would you like to be one of them?
Once, I tried to say, "P.P. That's funny right there." Instead, I said, you guessed it, "Penis!"
Why do cats like to sleep on the floor?
'Cause it's a car-PET.
What would be a pet's favorite thing to click on on this website?
Cat-egories.
Get it?
What's the difference between a Ranga and a Brick?
A Brick can get laid.
One day I'm walking and I saw Josh B. He's sucking balls and Marco jump[s], and we got [an] earthquake, and I say, "Yamate."
What do orphans and dinosaurs have in common?
Their parents are extinct.
What is brown and sticky?
What is white and gooey?
What is long and hard?
(Tell me in the comments)
Ur mom.
Oh wait, you don't have one.
When the teacher dismissed the class to go home,
The orphan asked, "Where do I go?"
The teacher replied, "Home."
The orphan said, "Catch me on the streets then!"
What type of alphabet does an elf learn?
The elf-abet.
Why did the 18-year-old girl need a ladder to go to school?
Because it was High School.
Why are there 25 letters in the alphabet? Because the D is in U.
What's the difference between dark humor and morbid humor?
Dark humor: 10 babies in one trash can.
Morbid humor: 1 baby in 10 trash cans.
Why can't you eat cereal?
Because your dad never came back from getting the milk!
What do you call a calf that is in no way brave?
A coward.