Short jokes
What did the tree say when it gets horny? My wood has a splinter.
I take all my anger out on orphans. Why?
Because they have no parents to run to.
Why don't gay Greek men in Greece perform anilingus on each other?
Because anilingus between two gay men is against the law in Greece.
I painted my dad white so he wouldn’t leave.
What kind of clothing should you wear on “hump day”? Camelflouge.
What did one tree say to another in a crisis? Don't leaf me when things get bad.
What day does Venus like?
SATURNday.
"I spy with my little eye..."
- Noting I am blind -
What did the bison say to his son leaving for school?
"Bye son!"
Get it? Bye son, Bison!
Welcome to David's Morgue, you stab 'em, we slab 'em!
Are you a red light? Because I stop every time I see you.
Bad handjobs are rare. They’re hard to come by.
Mom: They say our kid neighbor has blue blood.
Son: Really?
Also 2 hours later:
Son: Mom, the kid doesn't have blue blood.
Mom: Son, I-
What does "bitch" mean?
Son asked father, father said it means "you're handsome." Son said, "OK, you're a bitch." Father: "Of course not, I'm not a bitch!"
What do you call a sexually attracted pizza who spoons another pizza?
A Topping.
I used to have a skeleton of jokes, now my supply is bone dry. Guess I wasn’t that femurous.
Why does the owl 🦉 have a lot of friends?
Because he’s a hoot.
Why are orphans terrible at baseball? They never get home runs.
What's the difference between a road bump and children crossing the road?
A road bump will make you slow down when you drive over it.
I have a daily routine where I take a crap every morning at 6 AM, but wake up at 7 AM. And it's not even a joke.