Short jokes

My penis is big and long, what else is... my condom... cucumber.

"Wow... That ship is beautiful! I wonder what will happen if I ram into it..." - Iceberg, 1912.

How can Canada be one of the most educated countries when Canadians are unable to correctly spell "analyse", "programme", and "aluminium"?

You're so poor that when you walked into an elevator, you thought it was a mobile home.

Everyone tells me I need to stop making prostitute jokes.

I guess they're whore-ible.

It's just been discovered that as well as writing a book, Adolf Hitler also wrote one of the first computer games, "Mein Kraft."

A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.

Diet Day #1 - I removed all the fattening food from my house. It was delicious.

That awkward moment when a fat kid says, “That’s how I roll.”

What do you call a group of emos?

Suicide Squad.

What's a little white dot on a priest's dick? A baby tooth.

TV Darth Vader: "I'm your father!"

Orphans: "Yea."

Roses are red, violets are blue,

I’m sorry you look like my old beat up shoe.

Purple.

You're so skinny, when you did your first jump on a pogo stick you would never come back.

Orphans are like a trash can; they live outside.

I wanted to tell a commie a joke about food, but he’d have to wait 10 years to get it.

Why does Joe Biden like cold weather? Because he’s used to being in the teens.

I scaled your forehead, and all I saw was 1000.

What do hookers and porn stars have in common? They get paid for sex and get STD's.