Short jokes

Don’t fart in an Apple Store.

It has no Windows.

What's the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?

I can only fit three fingers inside the bowling ball.

What do penguins 🐧 eat for lunch?

Freeze burgers.

Patient: “Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake.”

Doctor: “Next time, take off the candles.”

Guns don't kill people, black people kill people.

I wish my grass was edgy...

then it would cut itself...

What is the difference between Sir Isaac Newton and the baby I just stabbed?

Sir Isaac Newton died a virgin.

What's the difference between Autism and Gender?

Autism is on a spectrum.

What store has the most vegetables?

A nursing home.

I hope there is a lift to heaven. I shouldn’t be making jokes though.

What does Helen Keller say when she touches a basketball?

Duhhuuughhhr.

I would slap you, but that would be animal abuse.

I complimented my neighbor's skeleton decoration for Halloween, but they just told me that it's their anorexic daughter.

What's a pedophile's favorite place to go in?

Kum and Go.

Right, I have a dog and his name is Syndrome, and whenever he is good, I go "Good Syndrome," but whenever he is naughty, I go "Down Syndrome."

What's worse than five babies stapled to one tree?

One baby stapled to five trees.

My girlfriend broke up with me because of my pasta fetish.

I'm feeling cannelloni right now.

Why do you put a baby in a blender feet first?

So you can see the look on its face as you climax.

What did mama cow say to baby cow? -- "It's pasture bedtime."

I was finally released from jail a year after I beat up someone on New Year’s Eve.

Don’t blame me for being suspicious of an Arabian counting down from ten.