Short jokes
I could be red, I could be orange, I could be yellow, I could be green, I could be blue, I could be purple, but I would be dead.
Why can't Heaven and Hell ever be one 2nd paradise?
Heaven always has 5-star reviews.
You call him the holy cross. I call it the rejected Smash character.
1st daughter: Dad, I'm lesbian!
Dad: Oh, OK!
2nd daughter: I'm also lesbian.
Dad: WTF, does any 1 in this family love dicks?!?
Son: I do...
Husband: Can we try anal tonight? Wife: Fuck that shit! Husband: That's the spirit!
Do you ever consider during the cremation that the meat is well done?
Why can an orphan never get picked up?
Because the white van did not come that day. HAHA BIG LOL
Your mama is so funny looking that when the doctor called her, he said, "Never visit me again. I hope you die!"
How do emo bands prepare for their shows?
They self-harmonize.
How do planets have a baby?
They have spasex.
Cheese, gimme cheese!
(inspired by a friend)
What's the best finger for fingering A minor?
You're so fat, when you fall, the sidewalk cracks.
What types of erections do skeletons have? Boners.
My brother when he sees a girl.
What do you call a blind photographer? A waste of money.
My fitness guru said that if I got raped, it would help me in future marathons.
What's the difference between a dad and an Emo?
They both don't last a while.
"Have you driven through Dealey Plaza? It will blow your mind."
~John F. Kennedy
What do Madeline McCann and a submarine have in common?
Both are at the bottom of the ocean full of seamen!