Short jokes
What's similar between a fetus and a failed mission?
You abort it.
Did you know that the Royal family like carnivals?
Princess Diana was really fond of bumper cars.
What does a bullied kid say during a game of Kahoot?
"I'd like to Kahoot up this school."
What does a priest and time have in common? They're both predators.
Yo Mama so fat that when she took a photo of herself to get it printed out, it took 15 years to finish!
Jesus is a rock music fan.
Because he likes Nine Inch Nails.
Why did the chipmunk swim on its back?
To keep its nuts dry.
I wonder if Stephen Hawking heard the song "Gangster's Paradise." Oh, shit, he can't!
What does a Jamaican guy say to an Asian?
Poke me, mon.
What looks like peanut butter and jelly, and makes a woman scream?
Afterbirth.
I tried a pun about water, but people "sea" right through it, and when people complain, they are usually just being a beach.
Why are elephants scared of computers?
Because of the mouse.
I'm so lonely, even the alphabet says "Hi."
JK.
Germany: As long as America stays out of the war, we should win.
Japan: *bombing Pearl Harbor* Cowabunga It Is!!
What do orphans need in order to mail letters?
Food stamps.
Spell "IOUT", no space.
Why is 3 such a helpful number? Because 3 helped out on a science project 4 5!
What happens when you mess with a farmer? You get the whole ranch.
What did the sun say to the Earth?
"Am I hot?"
You know the song "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus"? Apparently, Santa's the mailman.