Short jokes
"Hee hee touch my pp."
As tragic as school shootings are, it's also a quick way to a late-term abortion.
Bro, I love hanging out with white people, it's either we play Yahtzee, or we playin' Nazi.
Why did Joe Biden go to the hospital? Because he couldn't stop Putin.
"Kidnapping is just surprise adoption, congrats! You are now all my children! Just hop into the portal that leads to the Lust Ring in Hell!"
What did Trump say to Ukraine when Putin bombed them?
"It was Antifa!!!! And China!!!!"
The inventor of the umbrella was just going to call it "brella," but he hesitated.
If they made a movie about your sex life, what would the title be?
Mine would be "Alien Vs. Predator."
It's okay, you had socks on :)
Like if you think oily men are hot.
What does an Asian doorbell sound like?
"Wing wong wung wang, wong wang wing wong!"
You know Imagine Dragons?
Imagine draggin' these balls.
What’s the difference between an emo kid and a dead pig?
Suicide squad.
How would you multiply numbers in octoschool?
You octoply, obviously.
Have you ever walked into Helen Keller’s house?
She has.
It’s me back at it again.
The earth was flat till they buried yo mama!!!
Everyone, take off your pride flags; it's already a new month.
Since Christopher Reeves can't play Superman, they got a new person: Christopher Walken.
Why am I banned from my Catholic orphanage?
Because the children kept calling me "daddy."
What did Mars say to Saturn?
"Give me one of your rings!" 😄