Short jokes
I once asked a sketchy man at a bar for some relationship advice. He simply replied, "They're all dead hookers once they're in the trunk."
Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas?
Because Oct 31 == Dec 25.
What do you get when you cross a cold wind with a feather?
A brrrrrrrr-d!
*The doctor asking why I've broken 19 bones in the past week*
*My abusive mum- Go on, tell him!*
Well what am I gonna do now...
Question: What did the sun say to the little star?
Answer: Are you my SUN?
Why did you always see Michael Jackson wearing two white gloves?
Because masturbation is against Michael Jackson's religious beliefs.
Do you know where priests go at night?
To all night sale at Boys R Us.
What's the difference between a penis and a gun?
A child doesn't cry when a gun goes off in its mouth.
Having sex while camping is fucking in tents (intense).
What’s the only victimless crime you can commit? Murder, cause there’s a victim less!
You know you're ugly when you get handed the camera every time your friends have a group picture.
I was driving through a neighborhood when I saw a sign that said "Autistic Child Zone." Then I thought to myself, "Oh shit, that wasn't a dog!"
Here is a dark joke for you guys... "Why do pornstars scream, "DADDY!" in their videos? Because they were child molested by their father!"
Why did Susan drop her ice cream? She was hit by a bus.
A happy mother: "Why is your sister so quiet?! And how did you get super glue stuck on your penis?!"
What's the city with the fastest growing population?
Ireland, cuz it's Dublin everyday!
What did Sally get for Easter?..
Nail polish.
They finally made a movie about a clock, about time.
Have you heard about the corduroy pillow cases? They've been making headlines.
School is a lot like boot camp. The only difference is that you don't have to get deployed to get shot at.