Short jokes

How many ears does Captain Picard have?

Three: A left ear, a right ear, and a final front-ear.

Race car backwards is race car.

Race car sideways is how Paul Walker died.

What do you call an abortion in a bathtub?

Chunky Tomato Soup.

I'm fucking retarded.

I am really gay. I just needed to confess this.

I get more care packages than Africa.

I screamed "Jenga" today in class while watching a 9/11 documentary.

What's Africa's greatest sporting achievement? The 2018 World Cup...

That joke and paper have one thing in common: they're both tearable.

My wife wanted to make a joke about domestic abuse, but I beat her to it.

What did the wire say to the electrician?

"Stop twisting my nuts!"

You have gaps in your teeth, looks like your tongue is in jail.

Did you hear about the racist sprinkler?

It kept going: "Spick spick spick Chink chink chink!"

I was going to tell you a cow joke...

But it's pasture bed time.

Why did the plum put sugar under its pillow?

So it could have sweet dreams.

Why can't orphans play baseball?

They can't find home.

Dead baby jokes never get old...

What's the difference between sand and food? Africans have plenty of sand.

Did you know that there is a new drug on the market for lesbians who are suffering from depression? It's called Trycoxagain.

How do Chinese people name their children?

They throw pots and pans down the stairs and listen for the sounds, "Ching Chong Chang."