Short jokes
I love going to church to get closer to God, but my least favorite part of church has to be touching the priest’s penis.
What’s the worst thing about being suicidal?
The school shooter will always spare you.
Why did the emo kid get mad?
I wore a “Just Do It” shirt.
What do KFC and a brothel have in common?
They’re both full of greasy chicks.
My grandfather lost his tongue during WW2.
He never talks about it.
Are you Hiroshima? Because I want to drop my bomb inside you.
Ironic that this page is dead.
How do s’mores communicate?
On Insta-graham.
When your teenager asks for personal space and you remind her that she came out of your personal space.
How did the digital clock show off to its mother?
Look, Ma, no hands!
What do alien moms like to drink? Starbucks.
Communism is actually kinda tight.
(6x9)+6+9=69
The snack that smiles back: Ball sack.
Where did Josh go after getting lost on a minefield? Everywhere.
If your eyes were the sea, I would drown in them.
How to get rid of your depression:
1. Stop self-pitying.
2. Realize you can't.
3. Fucking deal with it.
You're welcome.
I'll never forget my dad's last words before he kicked the bucket: "Hey, look how far I can kick this bucket!"
What do you get when you dip a duck in blue paint?
A very pissed duck.
When the teacher gives me an F on my exam,
but I have an AK-47 in my backpack.
*Is honestly the best policy.*