Short jokes
I need a hug.
*hugs train*
Why did the cow have for breakfast?
Answer: Muesli.
I just wish I went on a date with Ariana Grande, and then everybody knew I fucked Ariana Grande.
Hi guys, I feel forgotten lol. I feel like a banana peel... no one will talk to me. Oh, I got a good idea! We do a Google Meet!
"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Tornado." "Tornado who?" "Tornado going to suck yo house up."
Jim: My grandpa fought in the army during World War Two. He was an officer.
Me: Cool, what rank of officer?
Jim: SS.
Me:...
Why did Muhammad Ali go down? Because he couldn't stand the cancer.
My girlfriend called me a "bot" in Fortnite, so I called her "sandwich maker 3000."
What do you call a group of transgender women?
X-Men.
My ex died in an anchorage accident.
She always was a sleeping hooker.
Girls: OMG what color should I use, baby blue, light blue, or navy blue?
Boys: blue is blue.
What do Mexicans cut their pizza with? A Little Caesars.
Why does the basketball never get a date?
Because they dribble.
My dad said people shouldn’t get ribbons just for participating because it rewards them for losing.
So I took down his confederate flag.
You are my compass; without you, I’m lost.
What do you get when you cross a lawn mower and a parakeet?
Shredded tweet!
We are all just suicidal kids telling other kids not to do it.
Who makes the best anteaters?
Uncle's... (Aunt eaters)
Why did the baker give the shopper a butt? Because she asked for a butt!
One day I went to smoke weed with some Mexicans, but they ran away when I asked if they had papers.