Short jokes
Why did Stephen Hawking die? ... Because he pressed "shut down" instead of "sleep."
What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho cheese. Okay, I can't do this anymore.
I once tried to have a family friendly conversation with a worm, but it kept its head in the dirt.
Wood-fired pizza.
How would pizza get a job now?
A handicapped person was making fun of me, so I walked away.
What do you call a short person that goes to school?
A Sammie.
I wanna tell you guys a joke about a broken pencil...
But it’s quite pointless.
Where do walls shop?--Walmart.
I'm 43 and my date is 19. A man rudely comes up to our table and calls me a pedophile. I told him to fuck off, this is our 10th anniversary.
What does Santa say for the toys to go to bed?
"Time to hit the sack!"
Can two high-femme lesbians go on a date with each other?
Yes, but it will take them forever to get ready.
How do emos like their meat cooked?
Medium rawr.
What did Jesus say when they removed the nails from his hands?
"Feet! Feet!"
Ya forehead so big Sakura's forehead seemed small.
How did the guys with Down syndrome split the dinner bill? They all made a down payment.
Why does the basketball never get a date?
Because they dribble.
I was walking and I saw a girl crying, and she told me to take her dollhouse and I asked why. She said because I don't have one.
My dad said people shouldn’t get ribbons just for participating because it rewards them for losing.
So I took down his confederate flag.
Does an orphanage have daddy issues?
Yes, because he didn't come back from getting the milk.
Me: I'm retarded.
Teacher: Why?
Me: It took me 2 hours to see "60 Minutes."