Short jokes

Step on your small sister's foot, she will always open her mouth like a dustbin.

What do you give a pig when it has a rash?

Oinkment.

Why did the orphan join the baseball team?

Because he knew when he got to third base he could head home.

If trees were sentient, they would make their furniture out of bone, flesh, and blood.

Now ain't that cool?

Why don't orphans go to Family Dollar? They don't have a family to go with 'em.

Your mama's so fat that when she went to space, there was no space left.

What’s the difference between a fruit and an orphan? One gets chosen :)

Who remembers when Gwen was the only thing people talked about on this website?

Your forehead so big you got to take Tylenol pills, big like chocolate chip cookies.

Ariana Grande was in the store, and when she put her groceries on the counter, she said, "Thank you, next!"

When the school shooter enters the classroom and it's the quiet kid's dad.

When a fat person steps on a scale, it says: “To be continued.”

What is an animal that kids get for Christmas and can easily give to someone else?

A white elephant.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, God made me pretty, WHAT THE FRICK HAPPENED TO YOU?

I love it when your parents come round for Christmas. I just wish we couldn't hear them through the ceiling.

Why are gay people bad at hide and seek?

Because they're always coming out of the closet.

James Bond gives all the ladies he's met the perfect birthday gift: Chlamydia.

Soldiers, there is one thing you can be sure of: You will be at home with your families, in a jar on the mantelpiece.

And the winner of the Tour de France is awarded, as ever, with the yellow jersey.

To remind him what color his piss is meant to be.

It's getting near midnight, and I can already hear Big Ben. He's upstairs pumping the wife.