Short jokes
Riddle me this, Batman, what's long, round, and has cum in the middle?
Batman: A dick.
Riddler: NO NO NOOO! It's a cucumber!
What is the best thing about being back?
Free bullets.
I am your leader.
I could never fall out of a boat because I've already fallen for you.
To stop my password from getting hacked, I changed it to something difficult to crack: "StrongBrazilianNut111".
I'm Asian and there is a saying that dogs are man's best friends. They are my best friends because they keep me from starving.
What makes 9/11 an inside job?
Someone started calling it 10/7.
I thought I saw a cool sticker on my office window, then I realized it was getting bigger and bigger.
I was at a bar. The girl said, "Sex, sex, free sex tonight," when she really said, "663629."
What do you get when you die in Undertale and go to Temmie Village?
DeterMIENATION
Wanted to go to the zoo, it was too packed, so I went to KFC instead. Their monkey enclosure is better anyway.
How did the orphan operate the phone? He didn't. He didn't understand the homepage.
Anyone want to eat me up? I'm in that kind of mood right now.
TV: Water found on Mars...
Mars: 1
Africa: 0
Why do people who get shot in the head always become therapists?
They are more open-minded.
I wish death was in the form of a woman.
That way, it would never come for me.
Why are gay dudes so rude?
Because they're fucking assholes.
Alcoholics don't run in my family, they drive.
I saw two blind men fighting at the mall. I yelled, "He has a gun!" They both ran.
If there is a guy in a wheelchair and he is a bully, say, "I’m still standing."