Short jokes
Why does an emo wish they were a fish?
Because they're underwater.
When a wheelchair kid bends over, wheelchair kid goes “ohhahahhahhahahahahal!”
What can’t a person with no arms do: if you're happy and you know it, clap your hands.
Why was the orphan stupid?
Because his parents couldn't guide him.
You telling me Julius Caesar, who has been dead for well over 50 years, made this salad?
Your mom is so ugly when she tried to enter the ugly contest, they said they don't allow professionals.
Yo, barber fucked up so bad he pulled out a "Plants vs. Zombies" map and that shii fit perfectly.
Yo, barber fucked up so bad he had to get a breathalyzer test.
Man, I don’t need Viagra when I see Mara!
How do you find someone's hairline? It's simple, you don't.
Big, ugly, and very weird.
Me: Hi Jacob!
Jacob: Hi.
Me: Your parents went to jail for littering when you were born!
Jacob: GOO GOO GAH GAH
What's Peter Pan's favorite place to eat out?
Wendy's?
Q: Why was the 4 year old anti-vaxer crying?
A: He was in a mid-life crisis.
Why are orphans so bad at baseball?
Because they can’t find home.
I have done a ton of work. A skele-ton.
If you jump off a building and yell "parkour," how can they tell that it was intentional? T'was a failed stunt.
Why is the UK bad at chess? Because they already lost their queen.
How do you get a baby out of a blender?
With Doritos!
What does a clock do when he's still hungry?
He goes back "four" seconds!