Short jokes
Why did Stephen Hawking die? ... Because he pressed "shut down" instead of "sleep."
Why did Grampa pass out? Because of diabetes.
What has 2 legs and loves to play with little kids? The local priest.
What do you call an autistic kid with orange hair?
A boomerang.
Bro never learned how to play Jenga. 🙄
Joe mama so fat when she got sturdy, she tripped on her shoelaces, fell on her face, and fell down 2 floors.
Yoo! I found a $100 bill, found a child who said they lost their $100 bill. Gave them $25.
When God gives you glory, you give it back.
Yo mama so fat, she eats with three utensils: a knife, spoon, and a forklift.
Me: My grandpa killed 100 nazis in WWII.
My Friend: Well my grandpa killed Hitler.
Me: *Realizes*
What do you call a prostitute weed dealer?
A pot-hole.
You're so skinny, starving Ethiopians offer you food!
People dream about having a lot of money, but the only thing you should be dreaming about is a hairline.
What's Michael Jackson's favorite toy?
Wet 6-year-old balls.
I was such an ugly kid. When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
You: Hey, Alexa, what is your gender?
Alexa: I identify as Michael Jackson, and my pronouns are...
Me: *hears it* And their pronouns are he/he.
My favorite kind of face mask is the plastic bag.
My sister: You were born ugly.
Me: I'm not a mirror, sis.
Can you go as a horse for Halloween?
Well, if you do, I can't wait to ride you!
Bully: I wasn't talking to you.
Me: Then why are you listening?
My uncles like the moon.
He comes out at night.