Short jokes
What did Stevie Wonder see when he got murdered?
Nothing.
I would make a disabled joke.
But they never work.
Dark humor and women are very similar...
Not everyone appreciates them, but they both give everyone something to make fun of.
Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
She forgot to put her seatbelt on.
I’m gonna kick some gum and chew some ass... but I’m all out of ass.
I congratulated my friend on losing all that baby weight. She started crying and told me I should make them for miscarriage like that......
What did Stephen Hawking get for his B-Day?
Chocolate arm.
What animal do you always find at a baseball game? A bat.
Why do Asians excel at math?
Because their dog can never eat their homework.
How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, because they beat the room for being dark, then arrest the room for being broke.
I got rejected from art school today, so yeah.
Q: What's the difference between me and a priest? A: A priest isn't turned on by dead children.
What is a deaf person's favorite game?
Charades.
What do a 9V battery and a butthole have in common?
We know we’re not supposed to put our tongue on them, but we do it anyway.
Did you hear about the lesbians who are suing their contractor?
He used nails when they wanted tongue and groove.
Why are orphans so bad at baseball?
Because they don’t know what a home looks like.
What's the difference between a priest and Woody from Toy Story?
Woody goes limp when a kid walks in the room.
What do Michael Jackson and an Xbox have in common?
Little boys turn them on.
What's the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?
One’s a Good Year, the other’s a great year.
What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
Tell her to slow down and use lubricants.