Short jokes
Q: What do the mob and pussy have in common?
A: One slip of the tongue and you're in deep shit.
Q: What do you call a blonde with only two brain cells?
A: Pregnant.
Why is the cheetah super good at hide and seek tag? Because he was too fast!
What are the similarities between BTC and 9/11? They both crashed down.
Your hairline got suspended, it's not coming back.
My girlfriend is growing watermelons, not in the ground though (we had fun that night)!
My grandma said, "Hey, you want a Butterfinger cause I do?"
Me: Grandpa's in the kitchen if you want a finger.
Why did the Titanic sink? Because your mom was on it.
Why did the orphan try to get hurt?
Because then they would get surrounded with people who care about him.
He looks around, no one is there.
Ever seen twins?
If you said yes, was it before or after 2001?
I hope both sides of your pillow are warm tonight.
What is a prostitute's favorite form of traffic control?
Speed humps.
"Love is a good thing, never be embarrassed by it."
What is a leaf mixed with mud called? Ligma.
Ligma balls!
I was walking this hot girl home, then she noticed me, then the walk turned into a run.
I don't have a joke, I just have a friend named Jack.
What do you call a dude that is always high and gets higher than everyone else in the family? The alpha pothead!
If you have emo grass and don't pay attention to it, it will cut itself.
Don't say your life is a joke, because jokes got meaning.
Have you ever observed the depression cycle of a snail?
It's pretty much a downward spiral.