Short jokes
What do you call Stephen Hawking on a bungy jump?
Spasticelastic.
What is an orphan's hated movie line?
E.T. phone home.
What’s the difference between a dad and a boulder?
About 15 stone.
Man, that's funny!
I know your hairline's pretty bent, but your gender's on a different level.
Me before: Why do bandanas exist? They're ugly.
Me after seeing your hairline: Oh, I seeee.
Me giving pro tip: Get a bandana LMAO.
What's the difference between Wacko Jacko and Elvis Presley?
14 number 1 hits.
Ariana Grande agrees with me on something: women belong in the kitchen and bedroom.
Women should have the right to choose whether they want to do cooking or cleaning first.
Why was the baby Dinosaur an orphan?
His family was blown up by meteors.
"My name is Walter Hartwell White. I live at 308 Negra Arroyo Lane, Albuquerque, New Mexico, 87104."
Why do so many people hate Bill Cosby? I mean, all he did was have affairs with drunk, attention-seeking women. They literally begged for it.
What is the difference between an orphan and a mailman?
The mailman goes home at the end of the day.
I'm throwing an orgy for people on antidepressants.
Let me know if you can't cum.
Why did the child die? To see God, our father.
Why do orphans never wake up in the morning? Their dad can’t wake them up.
Why do orphans hate Christmas?
Father Christmas isn’t a thing.
I walked past an orphanage, the orphans started to call me names, and I said, "At least I have a family!"
I don't know what to write here, just like...
It's opposite day today. I'm gonna tell an orphan that their parents are here.