Short jokes
My friend wants to do martial arts, but he's disabled, so I guess it’s partial arts.
POV: You make an emo Mr. Beast.
I was in Russia listening to a stand-up comedian making fun of Putin.
The jokes weren't that good, but I liked the execution.
Why are cigarettes good for the environment?
They kill people.
To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos.
Then I made pizza because they don’t live in a swing state.
Are you a professor? I have a theory about sex that I need to test on someone.
What is the toughest thing about living a vegan life?
Getting up at 5am to milk the almonds.
I bought a sweater and it started building up static electricity.
So I got another one free of charge.
You could say Kobe's career went up in smoke.
How do you kill Hellen Keller?
Take her on a walk off a cliff.
Hellen Keller went to go grab her bouncy balls.
Man: Ouch!
What's the difference between a Black person and a White person? Nothing, are you racist?
I said to the fish, "I have dam."
Not a joke, but this needs saying. Please can someone do something about all the pedo posts on here. It’s honestly just nasty.
What do you do after raping a deaf mute eight-year-old girl? Smash the little bitch's hands with a hammer so she can't tell her mum.
Why is it easy to defeat America in Clash of Clans?
Because they have already got 2 towers down.
Your mama so fat when she stepped on a scale it said, "Ma'am, take the bowling ball off of the scale!"
If you're American when you go in the bathroom and you're American when you come out, what are you in the bathroom?
European.
My mom: If your friend jumped off a bridge, would you?
Me: No.
Attack on Titan music starts playing in my head.
You wonder where my dad is.
Meanwhile, Dad: It's good to be at milk island!