Short jokes
What do you call a Japanese person when their knees are cured?
"Happynese" (happy knees).
People call my blind friend dumb sometimes.
She can't see the obvious.
Two baked beans traveled around Australia.
They both ended up in Cairns.
My orphan terrorist friend is on TV... I think he blew up.
What is the difference between Obama and Osama?
Osama didn't kill innocent civilians with missile strikes.
You know, the earth was flat till they buried your mama.
An apple and an emo girl fall from the same height in a tree. Which one hits the ground first? The apple, cuz the noose stops her.
What do women and Nvidia have in common?
They both do not make very good drivers.
What do you call a teen wizard who just went through puberty?
Hairy Potter.
Where is the best place to eat tacos?
In the Gulp of Mexico.
Jake: Can I go outside?
Mom: Did you clean your room?
Jake: No.
Mom: Then f*ck no.
Jake: Alright, bet.
(Brother named No)
What is Uranus' favorite exercise? ... Hy knees.
Your forehead is so leaned back you can see the dinosaurs.
Why did the emo kid not cross the road?
He was waiting for a car.
"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Knife." "Knife, who?" "How are you still alive? I just stabbed you!"
Teacher: Jeff, why did you throw a paper plane at the twins?
Jeff: You wouldn't get it, miss.
I farted in my grandma's breathing machine.
My grandma unplugged the internet cable, so I unplugged her life support.
How do you surprise a 50-year-old man? By putting a 12-inch dick through his ass.
He said, "Best surprise ever!"
My grandma told me I was next at my brother's wedding, so I told her she was next at her husband's funeral.