Short jokes
"If two sides in a battlefield read my book, there will be no winner."
Sun Tzu, The Art of War.
"You can drink drinks, but you can't food foods."
-Sun Tzu, The Art Of Food
"Buy a man an airplane ticket, he will fly once. Throw a man off an airplane and he will fly for the rest of his life."
- Sun Tzu
"It's not a war crime if you win the war."
- Sun Tzu, The Art of War
"If your enemy is kicking your ass, blame it on the lag."
-- Sun Tzu, The Art of War
Did you know that Americans fall out of both sides of the bed?
When an American goes on a scale, the other person will say, "I asked for your weight, not your phone number!"
Why does the wind always blow from the "West" in Washington State?
Answer: Because IDAHO SUCKS!
I had a friend who was a dwarf. He committed suicide. He jumped off a curb.
khi beats his meat to weed- germiah.
Why do Mexicans wear pointed boots?
So they can climb a fence easier.
Why are "Redneck" murder cases the HARDEST to solve?
Answer: Because ALL the DNA "Matches", and there are NO "Dental Records".
What does a depressed person and a chicken have in common? They both try to fly.
Are you the Twin Towers? 'Cause you sure upgraded.
Do trees shit?
Well, how else would we get #2 pencils?
What did the farmer say to the doll?
You death baby doll.
What's the difference between a mother and a father? The mother always comes back from the shop.
I was playing hide and seek at work the other day. Unfortunately, it ended with me in the hospital, though; ICU.
Magitat?
Friend A: Do you like Wendy's?
Friend B: Yes, why?
Friend A: Wen-dez nuts in your mouth!