Short jokes
I tried having a three-way with two physicists, but they couldn't solve the three-body problem.
Why was the computer late to work?
Because it had a hard drive!
What's the difference between PMS and a terrorist?
You can negotiate with the terrorist.
If something doesn't make sense to an Eskimo... is it counterINUITive?
How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
It's some weird number. You probably never heard of it.
I was going to join the debating team.
... but someone talked me out of it.
What is the name of the bear capital?
Koala Lumpur.
What's a ghost's favorite drink?
Ghoul-aid!
Have you ever tried sex when camping?
It's f***ing intense.
Why doesn't Karl Marx like Earl Grey Tea?
Because all proper tea is theft.
What do you call a Jamaican proctologist?
Pokémon!
How did the octopus go to the war?
Well armed.
How do you make an octopus laugh?
You give it ten tickles.
Where do kittens go on a field trip?
The meowseum.
What's the difference between a baby and a salad?
Most people don't get angry when you toss a salad.
Odo walks down the alley and turns into a bar.
The thing I don't like about shopping centers...
When you see one, you've seen a mall.
What would Batman do if he wasn't rich?
He would be robin.
What do classical musicians do when they die?
They decompose.
I told a chemist a joke.
No reaction.