Short jokes
Simba was walking too slow so I told him to Mufasa.
Why did the blind man fall down the well?
He couldn't see that well.
What do you call a black man flying a plane?
A pilot, you racist bastard!
What's the definition of trust?
Two cannibals giving each other blowjobs.
What's the difference between light and hard?
It's easy to get to sleep with a light on.
What's the best thing about abortion jokes?
They never get old.
What's a cannibal's favorite dessert?
Lady fingers.
Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new piano?
Neither has he.
What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex?
Oral sex will make your whole day. Anal sex will make your hole weak.
What does a shark and a computer have in common?
They both have megabytes.
Why is leather armor better for sneaking than steel armor?
Leather armor is made of hide.
What is it called when a bull lies about other bulls?
Bullying.
What's the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?
Snowballs.
How do you know if your wife is dead?
Sex is the same, but the dishes keep piling up.
What's the difference between Jesus and a painting of Jesus?
A painting only takes one nail to be hanged.
Why was the guitar teacher arrested?
For fingering a minor.
How did the Java programmer's son get rich?
Because of inheritance.
What do you call a wife who knows where her husband is at all times?
A widow.
What was the name of Russia's first female traffic cop?
Ivana Pulyova.
What does a carpenter do after a one night stand?
The second nightstand.