Inheritance jokes
Little Johnny says: “Mom, you know that lovely vase in the dining room that’s been handed down from generation to generation?”
Mom replies: “Yes. What about it?”
He says: “Well, the last generation just dropped it.”
Why are orphans unable to work at S.C. Johnson?
Because it’s a family business.
What did Osama Bin Laden's kids not inherit after his death?
His hide-and-seek skills.
Our family is known for unusually sloppy diarrhea.
It runs in our jeans.
Why can't orphans play Monopoly?
Because they never get a full house.
Why are orphans always so successful? Because when they're told "go big or go home," they only have one option.
What happened when the man died? Yes.
What is my favorite thing about my grandpa?
His life insurance.
Why can’t orphans tell jokes?
Because their parents can’t *bear* the *jeans* because they don’t have any.
Q: How to hit an orphan?
A: Hit them with a family tree.
Question: Did you know that "diarrhea" is hereditary?
Answer: It "runs" in your jeans!
Your gene pool is so shallow, you could break your neck diving in.
“Wills”
Are they a dead giveaway!
What person can't work at a family business? An orphan.
I found out what DNA stands for. It's the National Dyslexic's Association.
I'm related to diarrhea; it runs in my jeans.
When I finished high school, I wanted to take my graduation money and buy myself a motorcycle, but my mom said no.
See, she had a brother who died in a horrible motorcycle accident when he was eighteen, and I could just have his motorcycle.
I have the heart of my mom, the face of my dad, the eyes of my grandpa, the ears of my grandma, and the hair of my uncle. We don't look anything alike; I just collect body parts.
My grandma refused to be an organ donor. She was buried with all her musical instruments.
Grandfather's last words: "Stop shaking the ladder, you cunt!"
Grandmother's last words: "You know how to use that hammer."
Dad's last words: "Always aim before you shoot that gun."
Mom's last words: "Turn off the stove when you're done."
My last thought: Am I a murderer?