Short jokes
What kind of dog can do magic tricks?
A labracadabrador.
How does Moses prepare his tea? -- Hebrews it.
What is heavy forward but not backward?
"Ton."
I once ate a watch. It was time consuming.
I just found out I'm colorblind. It came out of the yellow.
What do you say to your sister when she's crying? -- "Are you having a crisis?"
How many ears does Captain Picard have?
Three: A left ear, a right ear, and a final front-ear.
What's the difference between a hippie chick and a hockey player? The hockey player showers after 3 periods.
Why does Stephen Hawking do one-liners? -- Because he can't do stand up.
What's the difference between a gay and a freezer?
The freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.
What is a pedophile's favorite part about Halloween? -- Free delivery.
What do you call cows that have a sense of humor? -- Laughing stock.
What do you call a girl with an hourglass figure? -- A waist of time.
A piece of toast and a hard boiled egg walked into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve breakfast here."
What happened when the semicolon broke grammar laws?
It was given two consecutive sentences.
I bought my son a fridge for Christmas. I can't wait to see his face light up when he opens it.
I love the smell of my F5 key. It's very refreshing.
I haven't talked to my wife in three weeks.
I didn't want to interrupt her.
I won the lottery for a million dollars today, so I decided to donate a quarter of it to charity.
I now have $999,999.75.
Why didn't the bear go to college?
Because bears don't go to college.