Short jokes
I fucked your mom, that's why I've been paying your life support since you were born.
Imagine Stephen Hawking was the real Slim Shady but could not stand up.
Why is Trump bad with America? Because he made it scream.
Why did the chicken enter the cave?
Because it wanted to get to the Dark Side.
Why did the girl never go upstairs?
Because she had no legs.
Why did the girl fall off the swing? Because she had no arms!
What do you call a pedophile who's dying? You.
What weighs 5 oz. and is very dangerous?
A sparrow with a machine gun, of course!
Sally fell off the swing.
Sally has no arms.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not Sally.
What did the grape say when the elephant sat on it?
Nothing, it just let out a little wine!
I invented a new word today.
Plagiarism.
Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me ugly and poor.
I brought my girlfriend home and introduced her to my family. My kids liked her, but my wife seemed upset.
Where was Stephen Hawking during the house fire?
The top of the stairs.
What do ambulances and gay men have in common? They both take it in the back and go whoop whoop! :D
A jumper cable walked into a bar. The bartender said, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything!"
Two WiFi routers got married. The ceremony was OK, but the reception was amazing.
I tried to catch air once... I mist.
Ever heard of the band "Nothing but Thieves"?
Yeah, it's called RobberBand.
Trump, must I say more?