Short jokes
What has two legs and is red all over?
Half a cat.
Abortion is not a joke.
Yo mama is so smelly that whenever she steps outside, she pollutes the air!
The more suicidal people there are, the fewer suicidal people there are.
I was going to walk to Verizon, but I decided to Sprint over to T-Mobile instead.
billie: hi.
me: You wanna hear a story?
billie: Yes, sure.
me: Once upon a time, I ran over your dog last night.
Why does the Sun go to school?
You know bins????
They're trash!
What do you call a mosquito in your language?
We don't call them, they just come and bite.
Why did the blondie put her iPad in the blender? To make apple juice.
How Stephen Hawking died: he drove too far away from the wall and the cord got unplugged.
Why don't people play hide-and-seek in the number 4?
Because it would take forever. Get it? "For-ever" and "4" four, so "four ever."
So, the sea is on a computer but doesn't know how to search, so the computer said to the sea, "Search!"
Do you get it? SEArch.
Why are elephants scared of computers?
Because of the mouse.
What do you call an octopus with a hat?
An octopus with a hat, of course.
Puzzle
I dreamed I was forced to eat a giant marshmallow, but when I woke up, my pillow was gone!
How do you get a clown off your swing?
You shoot it.
Gvido gubis.
Hot shingles in your neighborhood wanting to get nailed.