Short jokes
What does a cat say when it's angry?
- Stop stressing meowt!
What is similar about a dog and a woman? You can ask them to come.
OMG, I had a really good hand joke, but I just couldn't put my finger on it.
Q: What do American beer and canoes have in common?
A: Fu@king close to water!
When in Poland people go to a house party, and the atmosphere is bad, nobody is talking, they say: "Is there a German here?"
Why is the Champs d'Elysees in Paris lined with trees?
Because German soldiers like marching in the shade!
Why do they bury Germans 20 feet down when they die, instead of the usual 6 feet? Because deep down, Germans are ok.
Where did Amy go after the explosion?
Everywhere.
The morbid jokes on this site.
I can tell why the Founding Fathers adopted the Constitution, because nobody likes it.
Why does Barry Bannan laugh when he plays football?
Because the grass tickles his balls because he's so short.
What do you call a zombie?
Nothing because zombies aren’t real, and if they were, you would be dead.
What's the fastest way to Shepherd's Bush?
Up Shepherd's leg.
Where do whales get weighed?
The whaleway station.
Bants ahahahahahahahahahahhahahahashahahhhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah
Animal jokes, eh?
Toucan play at that game.
What did one needle say to the other?
"You be looking sharp!"
What's worse than 3 babies in one trashcan?
One baby in three trashcans.
Why did Helen Keller's dog run away?
You would too if your name was "Raraaaughhaugh."
Once I saw a mirror... and that was when I got the ability to become a ghost.
A mirror and a terrorist are the same... Only... a mirror doesn't need a gun to kill.