Short jokes
What's worse than waking up with a dead baby next to you?
Realizing you were so drunk that you made love to it the night before...
Do you know what the similarity between a penis and cucumber is?
They both have cum in it.
My grandfather has the heart of a lion... And a lifetime ban from the zoo.
Have you ever walked into Stephen Hawking's house? Don't worry, he hasn't neither.
Do you want to know why they call it an orphanage? Because they couldn't call it orphans home.
What’s Bin Laden’s favorite drink? Double Manhattan.
I can’t hang out with an emo when they are sad? Why? Because it cuts deeply.
I donated 100 dollars to a blind children’s charity. Too bad they won’t ever see a dime of it.
Why are graveyards so popular? Because people are always dying to get into them.
Why did Sarah fall off a skyscraper?
Because she made her dad mad.
"Ho, ho, ho, what do you want for Christmas, little boy? Longer than two months to live."
Who were the fastest runners ever? Adam and Eve. They were first in the human race.
What do you call a bunch of white people in an elevator?
A box of crackers.
So my friend and I went camping at a Cold Lake Campground and he jumped into it without any warning, and so I asked him, "Wat-er you doing?"
I have something on my lip and I think I’m taller than you.
"Who am I?"
What do you call it when Hitler puts retards in the oven? Baked potatoes.
Can we have a party in space?
First, we need to planet ;)
Get it? "Plan it" = planet.
A miscarriage always brings the child out in me.
What's black and sits on the bottom of the stairs to the cellar?
Steven Hawking where the experiments went wrong.
A dyslexic man walked into a bra.