Short jokes
What did the frog say to the pedophile?
My girlfriend broke up with me because I have a small dick. Too bad for her, because I give good sex.
What did the maxi pad say to the fart? "You are the wind beneath my wings."
I like my women how I like my wine: 12 years old and locked in a cellar.
If the broccoli said, "I look like a tree," then what did the mushroom say?
"I look like an umbrella."
What is the smallest room in the world?
A mushroom.
Q: What did Tim say when his girlfriend fell down a rabbit hole?
A: Hole-y shit!
I like my women how I like my cigarettes: Smokin’ hot, and with a little saliva on the butt.
I like my women how I like my golf score: low in the 80s and with a handicap.
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Ever since I needed a wheelchair, my husband has been so rude. He’s been pushing me around and talking behind my back.
My friend Arid asked me what I did over the weekend. I told him, "I read."
Get it? I read? No... ok.
What's black, white, and "read" all over?
A zebra after a lion is full.
Q: What's the difference between an egg and me?
A: An egg gets laid.
Freddie Mercury was on top of the music world. That's only the 2nd thing he was a top in.
Stephen Hawking:
Q: Who Made Stephen Hawkins' Wheel Chair?
A:) Tesla
Roll your eyes back, you might find a brain back there.
Looks like McSkillet McKilledIt.
Gun control...
What's yellow and can't swim?
A bus full of children.