Short jokes
"How was your day?"
"It was great."
"What was so great about it?"
"I saw a puppy."
"Awww."
"And I ran over it :)"
Me and my brother were called the twin towers. My brother lived up to his title after the plane crash.
When your friend does a finger-gun and his dad appears behind him and does it too, with the real deal!
Roses are red, Kevin Spacey is gay,
If you'd stayed with your parents, I wouldn't have taken you away.
What do you call an all-you-can-eat buffet for a pedophile? A school bus.
TFW you're having sex with your German girlfriend and she won't stop telling you her age.
I guess that corn is a-maize-ing.
What do you call nitrogen in the day? You call it day-trogen!
You’ll need a bib when you’re done eating my ribs.
On the lines of "I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous,"
I'm dying to live forever!
Don't bother; just try to live in England.
What did the mute man tell the blind man?
Nothing.
I got hit by a bus.
But the bus was my ex.
Yo' mama is so stanky, her Sure deodorant got confused and her Secret deodorant told on her.
Why couldn't Sally open the fridge?
Because she had no arms.
My dad told me that his dreams were shattered a few years ago.
Then I asked him how many years ago.
He replied with, "When were you born?"
Me: Hey Jim!
Jim: I'm now a cannibal.
Me: WAIT, JIM! N-
God sent gays to fix overpopulation. Until they ended same-sex marriage.
What's good about 9/11? It helped solve the world's overpopulation issue.
I will never forget my Grandpa's last words: "What are you doing with that rope and saw?"