Short jokes

Kids in the backseat make accidents, and accidents in the back seat make kids.

Your d*** size...

Why can't America play chess?

They're missing two towers.

I will never forget my girlfriend's last words... "Get off of me! STOP!" *slurp*... Dead.

I will give you a nickel if you tickle my nickel pickle, Rick.

How to stop bullying?

What do you get when you cross a redneck and another redneck?

Incest.

What do you call a white man having intercourse with a black woman?

An Oreo.

What language do they speak in the middle of the earth?

CORE-ean

They say that bad things happen to good people.

So if you get run over by a car just know you're a good person.

"Well," he says, "It's what mommy calls me sometimes."

The little girl screams, "Don't eat it! It's a fucking asshole."

Q: What did the elephant say to the naked man?

A: How do you breathe through that little thing?

Bippity boppity, get the f*ck off my property.

Q: What is a Mexican's favorite restaurant?

A: On The Border.

I'll call you later. Don't call me later, call me Dad.

I don't understand why in horror movies they make digging a grave look so easy. It usually takes me days.

I guess you can say he xxxpired.

Roses are red, give me some limes, boy dies after masturbating 42 times.

I was trying to make friends, and this one person came up to me. They said, "Lettuce be friends?" I just laughed and said that was tear-able.

Hell in Greek times was known as cold and misty... so now just look at Seattle.