Short jokes
I'm going to hang myself in the bathroom at school and put a note telling kids that I'm a piñata.
Did you hear about the delivery boy that worked for that Italian Restaurant down the street?
Yeah, he Pasta-Way.
What can you say both at a funeral and during sex?
This would be much better if you were alive.
Why don’t oysters give to charity?
Because they’re shellfish! 😂
What's the difference between my phone and my sister?
I actually give a damn if my phone dies.
Why did the goat have an abortion?
Because she already had too many kids!
Why did the zookeeper lose his job? For choking the chicken and spanking the monkey!
Did you hear about the unborn fetus? Oh wait, never mind, it must have been aborted from the sight.
I'm a big fan of white boards; they're remarkable.
What do you call a dog that's faced backwards?
A god.
When I went to see the doctor, he remarked that he hadn't seen me in a while.
I said that I have been ill.
What's the worst thing about having a Congolese friend?
He always needs a hand.
When your little brother hears noise from your room and you're the only one in it.
What type of jam can you not eat?
Traffic jam.
Q: How can you tell that a pedophile likes music?
A: He rapes D minor.
Did you hear about the cannibal that came home late?
His wife gave him the cold shoulder.
A man walked into a bar... He got seven stitches.
What did the angel say when it went to heaven? Well, halo there!
What do you call someone who farts in public? A private tutor.
That awkward moment when you're checking yourself out in the window of a car and you realize there's somebody inside.