Short jokes
What do you call a paralyzed turtle?
Shell shocked.
What is the highest number?
420.
Never joke about 9/11, they'll just crash and burn.
“Did you show him the pictures of our cats?”
“Yes.”
“Did you hang ‘em?”
Why do kids with cancer hate their birthday?
They don't know if they'll be alive to see it.
What did Adam say when he saw Eve?
Answer: "Woman!"
Say "toast" three times. Spell "toast" three times. What do you put in a toaster? The answer?
What is a cannibal's favorite food?
Crackers.
A joker held the door open for me the other day. It was a nice gesture.
This page is shocking.
What's wrong with you people?
What was the movie about the dog called?
The woof of Wall Street.
When pigs went to the desert, they turned into bacon.
What do apples and witches have in common? They both hang on trees.
If my boobies are fish, then am I salmon boobies? Please give generously.
Me: What’s that girl’s name from Phineas and Ferb, the sister?
Crush: Candice.
Me: Candice dick fit in your mouth?
Crush: *slaps me, walks away*
What's the difference between an air blower and Little Boy?
When the air blower blew, it did not wipe out Hiroshima.
What's the worst part about microwaving vegetables?
Fitting the wheelchair in.
How do you leave an idiot in suspense? I'll tell you tomorrow!
Stephen Hawking went on a date last night.
She left after 15 minutes, complaining she didn't like his tone.
I should be ashamed of myself for making all these jokes at the expense of the disabled! After all, they can't even stand up for themselves.