Short jokes

I am counting my fingers and get nine. Why?

When I die, I want to be shot out of a cannon.

And into a children's birthday party.

What's the difference between 20 and 14?

9 to 10 years.

When you're going 80 mph and hit a speed bump,

Then the speed bump starts screaming.

What is a female gamer's favorite part of the controller?

The joystick.

The moment when you tell an illegal immigrant to go home and he walks to the jail cell and closes it.

What did the girl say when she ran through the door?

Ouch.

Me, holding a baby: "Oh my God, it's so cute!"

Also me: "Throw it."

What's a Latino's favorite sport? Lacrosse.

What's the best way to get ten babies in a bowl?

A blender.

What's the best way to get them out?

A blender.

My sister said, "Daddy can you pass the salt?" So I raped her.

I was walking, and I saw an orphan, and I said, "Where are your parents?"

dfg.

Women should be allowed to leave the kitchen... to clean the rest of the house.

Never buy an epileptic kid light-up Sketchers.

Joaquin Phoenix as The Joker is like Heath Ledger if he overdosed on prescription drugs... Oh, wait. He already did.

What did the icicle say to the snow?

"Why do you have to be so soft?"

The other day my computer crashed. Luckily, there were no injuries.

There was an oil spill in the ocean. Now the ocean can't see!

Me: I finished a book with 100 pages.

Someone else: How was it?

Me: It's a long story.