Short jokes
I just had sex.
Last night I had a dream I was swimming in lemonade... turns out I peed the bed.
How do make an adult cry?
Stab him 10000 times until the floors are red with human blood.
Girls are like rocks, the flat ones get skipped.
I like my girlfriends like my children: dead.
What's the difference between the microphone and Bambi?
One is a Welsh idea, the other's a well shy deer.
I got a new pair of gloves today, but they're both 'lefts,' which, on one hand, is great, but on the other, it's just not right.
Why did the biology teacher break up with the physics teacher?
Because there was no chemistry...
What do cigarettes and hamsters have in common?
They can both be dangerous when you stick them in your mouth and light them on fire.
What's the difference between a blonde and a refrigerator?
Refrigerators don't queef when you pull your meat out.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Olive.
Olive who?
Olive you a lot!
Genie: You can only have 3 wishes.
Man: I wish for more wishes.
Genie: You can’t wish for more wishes.
Man: I wish I could.
Genie: ......
What do you do when an orphan takes a family photo?
A selfie.
What do you call an orphan taking a family photo?
A selfie.
This shit is disgusting but funny.
In 2011, Stephen Hawking said God didn’t exist.
In 2018, God said Stephen Hawking didn’t exist. xx 😂😂
My ex misses me, good thing she'll never hit me.
What makes a software developer feel rich?
Their cache.
Why is there no toilet paper at KFC?
Because it's finger lickin' good!
Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?
He worked it out with a pencil.