Short jokes
Why was the sheep arrested?
Because he did a "ewe" turn on a motorway.
My kitchen was rearranged today. The tables have turned, and the steaks are higher.
Q: What do you call an angry monkey?
A: Furious George!
Why is the most popular food at a baseball stadium pancakes? Because everybody likes a good batter!
I was submitting this joke, and I realized Stephen Hawking couldn't.
It had the reCAPTCHA "I'm not a robot."
Who's the best at musical chairs?
Stephen Hawking.
What's the difference between cars and grass?
They both have wheels, except for the grass.
What is sex? You put a sex person in someone’s sex.
What did the emo say before he crossed the road?
"Fuck my life."
What is the difference between an emo and a normal person?
An emo slits.
Borthwick's hairline.
Ever had a migraine? Yeah, sorry that’s my fault. Couple years ago, all my grains got loose.
If I had a face like yours, I’d sue my parents!
What's 9 divided by 11?
Well, I know it's less than two alright!
What does a kid and wine have in common?
Shit, I forgot, but they're both locked in my cellar right now.
The son margarine shows his father his test that he failed.
Father: Son, you can do butter!
How are you?
What did the skeleton say to the other? "Wow, that song, 'Spooky Scary Skeletons,' really does send chills down my spine!"
Hey, math:
I’m really tired of trying to find your X. Accept that she’s gone, and solve your own problems, dude!
What does a South African Batman wear? A cape.