Short jokes

I told my dad, "I just thought of something funny." He said, "Your face?"

I searched on Google, "How to start a wildfire?"

I got 39,300,000 matches.

The DNA told the tailor that he couldn't find his genes.

I made someone a PB and J sandwich... they died.

"and i oop"

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Sally.

Sally who?

You're going to bed right now.

"Dick, you're fired."

"I'd buy that for a dollar."

What game hurts you the more stages you survive?

Cancer.

What did the stop sign say to the street sign when he couldn't read a map?

"Can you give me some pointers?"

if an atom makes up everything im still suprised how it made ur mom

"Stupid ass baby."

Donald Trump is, like, really orange.

A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert. They found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted them each one wish. The redhead wished to be back home. Poof! She was back home. The brunette wished to be at home with her family. Poof! She was back home with her family. The blonde said, "Awwww, I wish my friends were here."

A guy was annoyed in a store. I walk up to him and said, "What's wrong, buddy? Don't worry, it's not like you're on an abandoned isle!"

What's Stephen Hawking's favorite snake?

Microchips.

What is a suicide pack's favorite song?...

Let the bodies hit the floor.

Me: I’m going to get burrito 🌯

Friend: You can have my burrito baby.

Gay.

Friend: *begins to moan*

Me: Finna hang up.

What do you call a person with no eyebrows?

Ms. Burgos.

Nuts, nuts, nuts!

Good morning? Goodbye!