Short jokes
What do you do when you hear your wife squirming around in the back yard?
Reload... chhchhhh.
What do you do during a shooting? Why, join in, of course...
Me: Cobain!
Friend: No, dude, it's Kobe.
Me: Why? Cobain didn't miss his last shot.
A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."
What do you call a lazy piece of meat?
A meatloaf.
What do you call an iPhone put into a smoothie maker?--An Apple smoothie.
Have you heard of the man who got all his left side chopped off?
He was all right.
How do you call on a mail man who is carrying rotten fruit?
Come post!
Why did Helen Keller burn her hands?
Because she was trying to read the waffle iron.
Your nan's bald.
What's the number 1 cause of pedophilia?
Sexy kids.
Poopies in my undies.
What does a skeleton call their great-grandparents?
A fossil.
Why did the man sit on his porch and bark at the postman when he came?
Because his dog had a sore throat!
What's black and white and hard as nails? A nun on speed!
If I get an atom, I would split it with you.
Good morning, madam. I am from the local council. Can you please tell me if you have a dog license for that poodle you have on your head?
The Gold Coast Titans winning the NRL. Best joke ever.
What did the beachgoers in North Carolina say when there was a tsunami?
Nothing, they died.
Why are the best used guns from France?
Because they have never been fired and they have only been dropped once.