Short jokes
America once was known as an Obama nation. Now we're known as an abomination.
What is the best part about eating cake? Your mom.
Mom: Go water the plants.
Me: But it’s raining outside.
Mom: Go grab the umbrella.
Me: What???
Stephen's not dead; his WiFi is slow.
On Xbox Live, an orphan can say "they f-ed your mom," so you can say, "at least mine didn't die from it."
Yesterday I made food using oil--olive oil.
(I love oil!)
Q: Two skeletons walk into a bar. What happens?
A: They fall.
(They walked into a BAR, as in a rod or whatnot.)
What do you call a baby kangaroo? Joey.
What do you call a 6 year old named Joey? Supper.
Did you hear that story "Three Lines in the Sand?" By dickadraggin'.
What is killing your friend called?
A homie-side.
What did the pencil say to the other pencil?
Your looking sharp!
Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don’t work.
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Why do basketball players hate gravity?
Because it's always bringing them down.
A girl asks her Asian boyfriend if he wants to eat her pussy. He asks her why she is taking off her clothes, instead of cooking her cat.
What is a retard's favorite race? The grand autismo.
I have no friends, but then I realize my true friends are anxiety and depression.
Me: I fucked your mom.
Orphan: I don't have a mom so you fucked the air.
Why do giraffes have such long necks?
Because their feet smell!
Nobody knows how bad you smell.