Short jokes
Why do dogs like skeletons?
Because they're boneheads.
Why do bunnies like Bruno Mars? Because he got 24 carrots.
Son: Hey Dad, what's an alcoholic?
Dad: Well son, do you see those 4 cars? An alcoholic would see 8.
Son: Dad, there are only 2 cars.
Mom, why was I adopted?
Because people are terrible, and that’s how the world works, son!
Ok, Dad, the world is TERRIBLE!
What runs but does not walk? It's water.
What did the first rape victim say to the second rape victim?
"You are a consequence of rape!"
What did the man say when his girlfriend threw sodium and chloride at him?
That’s assault!
Q: Why should you stand in the corner if you get cold?
A: It’s always 90 degrees.
Papyrus: Nyhe heh heh! I got a swim suit! And it even says cool dude!
Sans: I guess now it says pool dude ;)
Papyrus: SSSSAAAAANNNNSSSS!
Jack and his kids went to the lake, and his mother wants him to go swimming. You know what he says? "Back where you came from!"
What do TVs and girls have in common?
They both show you stuff when you turn them on!
In Soviet Russia, gay sex gets you arrested.
In America, getting arrested gets you gay sex.
What do you call a guy with a big dick that likes to eat fish?
Long John Silvers or Captain D's.
What do you call an angry Texan?
A Confederate leader.
What do you call a farting boxer?
Gaseous Clay.
What's an old man's favorite food?
Wrinkled onions.
Incest.
When "slow down and apply more lube bro" REALLY means slow down and apply more lube bro.
Person: I broke my arm in three places.
Doctor: Well, don't go to those three places then.
Why do tables never need wheelchairs?
Because even without the ‘t’ they are still able.
What did Stephen Hawking's wife say to him having sex? "You're wheelie good at this!"