Short jokes
What do Jesus and I have in common? Our dads left us...
This will take a ton of time.
A skele-ton.
I lost all faith in humanity. I am moving to Uranus; it's really big. I might get lost.
An assassin threatens a planet.
The planet remains calm.
The assassin: "Do you not realize the gravity of this situation?"
My sister and I were both adopted from the same country, and my parents say they got us on a "two for one special."
Who is better than Alabama?
CLEMSON TIGERS!
How do you get Dick from Richard?
You ask nicely.
What did the substrate say to the active site?
"C'mon baby, we fit together, open my door lock to f**kin' key."
I thought my wife was joking when she said she was gonna leave me because I wouldn’t stop singing “I'm a believer,” but then I saw her face.
It's punny.
My sexlife xddddddddd
A priest, a pedo, and a rapist walk into a bar and that's just the first guy.
Two priests are in a bar. One says to the other priest, "I'll swap you two fives for a ten."
One day, an orphan bought a boomerang. He threw it, and it didn’t come back.
When someone calls you, say this: "Hi, welcome to Dave’s Orphanage. You make them, we take them. How may I help you?"
Why is the sun lit?
Because it has much solar.
How do you punch 40 kids in the face at once? Hit them with a “Sandy Hook”.
What did the skeleton say to the other skeleton? "You're dead to me."
Yo mama is so dumb, she wanted to get some ice, but she went to Antarctica and actually got ice and brought wilt cream! 🤣
What Kind of Hardware store can't orphans go into?
Home Depot.