Short jokes
I got a part in a movie called "Cocaine." I only have one line.
I saw two guys wearing matching clothing, and I asked if they were gay. They quickly arrested me.
What's the difference between MH370 and my dad?
Both disappeared, but one killed 239 people.
When your baby is stillborn and you have a funeral, what song should you never play?
Alphaville - "Forever Young."
What's the difference between women and men?
Men have rights.
Your dad is so fat that when he walks past the TV, I miss three episodes of South Park.
Na, don't be mean to fat people. Oh wait, never mind, they can handle the weight.
What is the difference between the Twin Towers and Elton John?
Elton John is still standing.
Why was Santa happy?
'Cause he has hoes.
What is the difference between Usain Bolt and Hitler?
Usain Bolt can finish a race.
What do you call a guy who loves to eat out a hoe's pussy?
Answer: a Carnivwhore.
What do rocks and girls have in common?
The flat ones get skipped.
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common.
They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
What do you call a basketball player with erectile dysfunction?
Tragic Johnson.
I'm so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed.
I have some jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work.
Scientists make skyscrapers and airplanes.
Religion crashes them.
The mom: "Where did Timmy go after exploring that minefield across the road, honey?"
The dad: "Everywhere."
This joke's about flowers, the blue one's a violet.
Your mom's the Twin Towers and I am the pilot!
Did you hear about the fire at Noelle's place?
Her sister is a real Dess-ember!