Short jokes
Why can’t you have a proper conversation with a gay person?
They’re never straight with you.
What’s one thing women need to know nowadays?
Their place.
I just prevented an 11-year-old from getting assaulted.
I decided to go home.
I feel bad for the kids at Sandy Hook. All they wanted was books, but got magazines instead.
Sex is like pizza.
When it’s hot, it’s great.
When it’s cold, it’s still pretty good.
Why do people hit their electronics when they don’t work?
You keep the tradition of hitting black things.
What do you call a black abortion clinic?
Crime Stoppers.
What song does Kobe Bryant hate?
"Rocky Mountain High."
Did you know Paul Walker was a method actor? He took his role very seriously as a human torch.
My son told me he wanted to be Batman when he grows up. That little shit wants to be gunned down in an alley.
Why are camels known as ships of the desert?
Because they’re full of Arab semen.
A blind kid was talking to me because he was getting bullied...
I told him, "Just tell them what you see!"
Why don't rappers struggle with geometry?
Because they have all the angles covered.
Why don’t rappers ever get cold?
Because they have so many fans!
Do you want to give your life to God and be in Heaven?
Why do butts always win at poker?
They always hold the best PAIRS!
Why don't butts get along?
Because they can't stand each other's cheek!
Why couldn’t the booty be on social media?
It had too many FOLLOWERS behind it.
What do you call a country's booty?
Its bottom line.
What do you call someone who is half a Jew?
Jew-ish.