Short jokes
I don’t think 9/11 jokes are funny... they just crash and burn.
Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Kamikaze!
Kamikaze wh—
おいおい、お前を殺して、その塔ごと地面に叩き込んでやるぞ! いいな?
Do you know what the secret is to have a smoking hot body?
Cremation.
What do you call someone in a wheelchair being pushed by a cannibal?
A to-go order.
Why was the orphan so good at baseball?
Because his coach said, "Go long or go home."
When it comes to mosquitoes in Africa, should you feel bad that they're getting AIDS from their victims?
How did black people learn to steal sports cars?
By playing GTA nonstop.
What do you call a bus full of stoners?
The Magic School Bus.
Roses are red,
Lilies are white,
One race ends up dead
And the other ends up bright.
I had a teacher named Mr. Stubs. I asked why he was given that name, and he replied, "My parents said my limbs were spare parts."
What's the worst part about eating vegetables from the hospital?
The life support cord.
I went to a handicapped comedy club, but all the jokes they told were special, and they didn't know a lot about stand-up at all.
According to the Police report, what did one traffic signal say to the other?
"Roxanne, you don't have to put on the red light..."
Roses are tree.
I shoved a battery up my butt.
Loona from Helluva Boss is a retarded mutt.
So the other day I saw a homeless man. He tried to mug me. I let him.
I had nothing on me either. (I'm on the next block over.)
So apparently, Kurt Cobain's death was mind-blowing.
What do you call an annoying emo kid?
A nuisance.
What do you call it when a tranny commits suicide?
A good start.
I don't ignore dwarfs, I just overlook them.
What's a fat Mexican woman's favorite movie? Tortanic.