What’s worse than spiders on your piano?
Crabs on your organ!
How do you disrespect an Asian?
Give them driving lessons.
Doctor: What is your zodiac sign?
Patient: Cancer, why?
Doctor: What are the chances?
Patient: Of what?
Americans: I will cook the pizza.
Italians: I cooka de pizza!
All these people on here making me wish I knew them IRL.
One reason I like to tell riddles is because they help with critical thinking skills.
When baseball players want to get together, what will they do?
Touch base.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, In every step you take, My support stays true.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, When life gets tough, I'll stand by you.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, In your eyes' reflection, My dreams come true.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, Like petals in the wind, My heart dances for you.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, Your laughter's melody, Makes my world anew.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, In your presence, my love, Every moment feels new.
Whenever I order coffee, I always get the depresso with extra depresso sauce.
How do you make someone in Africa disappointed?
Sing "Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head."
Why can't British people play chess?
Because they lost their queen.
What did the tower say to the other one?
I will see you later; I am about to get hit.
So I walked into my bathroom to clean some stuff, and no one ever told me you can't put phones in the bathtub!
Men play video games to let their inner child out, while women do abortions.
Joke time!
Now, Heaven or Hell?
Heaven: we got clouds.
Hell: we got a frickin' private yacht!
