Short jokes
Why did England beat Germany in World War Two?
Scissors beat paper.
What's the difference between a bicycle?
A banana, because vests don't have sleeves.
Where can you find a list of dead astronauts? In the orbituaries.
Ouch!
I woke up to my daughter riding me in bed. I asked, "What are you doing?" She replied, "Making a Creampie."
What does a necrophiliac get at a wedding?
Mourning wood.
If a man kills a kid, it's called Murder.
If a woman kills a kid, it's called Reproductive Rights.
When you're excited to finally see your sister, and then you realize she's wearing your clothes.
Knock knock.
"Cow goes."
No, silly, cows go moo!
What do you call a dumb and mean crocodile?
A crookodile.
Why can't cheetahs play any games?
Because they're cheetahs!
Did you know that the Royal family like carnivals?
Princess Diana was really fond of bumper cars.
Why was I stress eating on the train track?
To wait to get hit.
She does not wanna fuck you, and she don’t need you clapping them cheeks.
"NORTH KOREA HAS ITS OWN NORTH KORONAVIRUS. IT STARTED THERE."
Why did the chicken go to KFC? ... To visit his family.
I like this Russian girl, but she hasn't asked me to hang off a cliff while drinking vodka.
There is this cute Russian girl in my class, yet she hasn't asked me out for vodka.
...
My sister said I'm stupid today, and she's the one who wrote this.