Short jokes
Q: What do you call America in a year? A: A wasteland.
My wife told me to be more in touch with my feminine side, so I crashed the car.
"I hate when people make 9/11 jokes because my grandfather died during the Twin Tower attacks. He was the best pilot in Saudi Arabia."
Average Kid: brings mp3 to school.
Rich Kid: Brings mp4 to school.
Quiet Kid: Brings an mp5.
Nosy.
What can hold anything on the moon? A crater.
What's worse than having ants in your pants?
Uncles.
What type of cake can orphans not have?
Homemade.
Throw a plate.
It’s broken, right?
Say “sorry” to it.
Did it fix back?
No... that’s the same thing you did to me :)
Did you know that dogs started the street craps game?
What did one ghost say to another ghost?
"You're boo-tiful!"
If I stepped on a Twix, would you get mad?
Why didn't Neptune marry Saturn?
Because he knew he wasn't hot!
Why do people in a wheelchair make bad jokes? Because they are bad at stand-up.
My mom told me to get dressed, and I said, "For what? Are we going to the rodeo?"
If you're going shopping at school, what color would I like to smell: True or False?
Me: What do you call 4 depressed kids?
My friend: What?
Me: The Suicide Squad.
What do you call your angry French aunt?
A crossaunt.
What's the difference between a blonde and a car door? The harder you slam the blonde, the looser it gets.
How are Tinder and orphans alike?
You swipe left till you find the one you like.