Short jokes
I wanna date you.
Said mom, dad said no, you are a horrid, f*cking d*ck.
What do you call two Mexicans at a country restaurant? "Two beaners in a cracker house."
How do you try to shout at someone on the bottom of the ground?
"Hey, sir! Are you dead?"
Who was Goldilocks' best friend?
Goldie.
Did you hear the joke about Helen Keller? Neither did she. Did you see that one coming? Neither did she.
(She's blind and deaf)
I have depression, and am suicidal. Nobody knows though, let's joke about that lol.
What did the cell say when his sister stepped on his foot?
Mitosis!!! (my-toe-sis)
Why are Amoebas so bad at math?
Because, when they need to multiply, they divide.
I was going to tell a 9/11 joke, but it was really plane.
I was going to kill them with kindness, but then I realized using a knife is a lot faster.
Why does Megan sound like a man, but she is a good singer and rapper, but then people talk about her? What's y'all rapper are singer?
What do kids with cancer and cancer jokes have in common?
CANCER!
Just kidding, they are both fun to laugh at.
A mom gave her son "the talk". Her son replies, "Wait, so there really isn't candy involved? Guess Grandpa lied."
How do you make a peanut laugh? You crack it up!
A girl tried 77.34 (77.34) times to think of a word opposite of BYE. Then her brother divided the word BYE. 77.34 divided by 100. TRY IT!!
Just think, when we're getting fucked, we make our own food.
Q: If cats have cat babies, dogs have dog babies, and tigers have tiger babies, what do fish have?
A: Eggs.
What do you call a bird with no wings?
Answer: A FLAP.
What’s New York’s favorite game?
2001 flight simulator.
Me scrolling through jokes that sum up my life, starts crying.
My friend: What’s wrong?
Me: Nothing, it's just so funny. Lol😂🤣😂