Short jokes
What’s one good thing about pedophiles?
They drive slow in school zones.
Old McDonald cuts himself. E-m E-m-O!
Which scary movie did the bear refuse to watch?
The Bear Witch Project.
What’s the worst thing about having a sister with cancer? You can’t pull on her hair.
What do a plastic bag and Jeffery Epstein have in common?
They're both dangerous to children.
Q. What's the difference between an assassinated Healthcare CEO and Old Yeller?
A. I cried when they shot Old Yeller.
What does Michael Jackson say when he grabs his crotch? I never noticed that before.
What does Michael Jackson say when he gets hard? Ow!
What is Michael Jackson's favorite movie?
The Boy in the Plastic Bubble? Why? The boy who was in the bubble.
When did Michael say, "This is it"?
2009.
Michael Jackson was the King of Pop until he got burned by Pepsi. Now, Pepsi is the hero, and now, we know the rest of the story.
Why does Michael Jackson like football, baseball, and tennis? Because of the "balls".
The girl asks her boyfriend, "Are you jealous of my heart?"
He says, "No."
She says, "Because it's pumping in me and you're not."
What's the difference between Santa Claus and Jews?
Santa Claus gets to leave the chimney alive.
What gets long when you put it, slides into holes, and likes to squeeze between boobs?
A seatbelt.
When prostitutes misbehave, do their pimps make them stand out on the corner with a "For Rent" sign on their crotch?
I have no problem with prostitution.
It's like an Air BnB for your dick.
Do you ever look at someone and think, "You must have been conceived at a family reunion"?
Why are people born in December, January, and February easy to get along with?
They're cool and chill.
How do pigs kill themselves?
They commit Kermit-cide.