Short jokes
What did Kobe say to the helicopter?
"Don't crash!"
Kobe: "Don't crash!"
Helicopter: *Crashes*
How do you call a Chinese emo? Han ing. (Hanging)
How do you blind an Irish woman?
You put a bottle of Scotch in front of her.
What is the definition of confusion?
Three blind lesbians in a fish market.
I'm going to make a city just for people with special needs.
I'll call it Downtown.
What's the difference between a six-year-old and a submarine?
I've never been inside a submarine.
I should probably stop making jokes about bulimia. They just leave a bad taste in my mouth.
What do you call a guy with no body and nose?
No body nose
Did you hear about the guy who lost his left arm and leg?
He's all right.
What is Helen Keller's son's name? Hrrrrrrr.
Did you hear about the guy who got fired for having sex with his clients?
He was a great veterinarian.
Siri is so ugly that she needs to go in the dumpster. She's so ugly that she needs to go in the toilet.
What do noodles and women have in common? They both wiggle when you eat them.
How do you know you’re at a gay cookout? They’re putting your sausage between two buns.
Something you can say about a restaurant, but not your partner:
"So you’re open 24 hours a day?"
What’s something you can say to a waiter, but not your wife?
"Does this come with anything?"
If Charlie Kirk were a 5-year-old schoolkid being murdered, America would have moved on by now.
Canada is the Keanu Reeves of countries. Too bad the US is the Kanye West of countries instead of the Dolly Parton of countries.
Your mama so fat, when she walked past the TV, you missed two episodes.